Nigger.
It's not a word anymore. It's a look. It's a sneer, a curling of the lips, Elvis-style but not nearly as sexy. It's more about what isn't said than what is; this grossly obese noun, obscene and overweight with the lard of sinister implications - it practically oozes out of the mouth, slick like drool. I remember when the word would carry with it a hammer-blow to my solar plexus, smashing the wind out of my chest, leaving me with nothing but a forlorn look draped across my face. Times when I swear to you I felt the syllables pierce my heart, sever my ventricles, leave me lost and bleeding. I used to feel such pity for myself when someone used it against me, I felt as though the word pointed out a deficiency on my behalf, a glaring weakness exposed to the world.
Nigga.
End it with 'a'. It's so simple! The first time I heard the word used in that way I was puzzled for hours. Weren't the voices booming out of my speakers friends? Moments ago they were laughing at those dumb bitches and hos, really getting along, you know, hi-fiving brothers sticking together 'cause hos ain't shit, right? Sticking together because 400 years of oppression can do that to a people. Then, out of nowhere, they're calling each other a word that could make me sick to my stomach with fear and self-loathing - it just didn't make sense. Then; I got it.
Oh, I see! It's like queer. Use a word enough times and it loses its power. I started to realise - the word had no power; if anything it was a term of endearment. Now I was the one who could smirk when somebody tried to shoot me down with it. Now I was Superman, impervious to the bullet's spray, the saliva spraying from the mouth of the ignorant.
Nigger.
John Lennon wrote a song once. It was called 'Woman is the Nigger of the World'. He didn't come up with that phrase. It was Yoko. It took John a while to understand it, really understand it.
You don't have to be black to be a nigger now. You never did. Niggers existed before the word, and they will exist long after it is gone. Expelled with the rest in the exodus of words raped and plundered, borrowed and stolen and discarded with the exploits of Man. Capital m.
Long after the word is gone, there will be niggers lying prostrate on the ground, a steel-capped boot in their face, shucking and jiving under the whip of the oppressor. Maybe, one day, women won't be the nigger of this world anymore, and some other poor schmuck will have to bear the load; the dead weight of an unjust burden for thousands and thousands of years.
I am hoping and praying that the Democrats win the U.S. elections this year. Because, if they do, either way one of the greatest ironies in history will be played out:
The United States of America will be led by a nigger.
