Months of Tails

God. I just have to vent in one way or another. I feel so terribly trapped in this machine, so absorbed by the inanity. Day after day after day I spew out the same strings of words to the same string of customers lined up along the counter, all of it meaningless and contrived and so, so false.  If I stay it's my choice. If I decide to live this way I have no-one to blame. I keep on struggling against a universe of ennui, sucking me down the moment I feel as though I have made some progress. I literally can't be bothered some times, and that is the most worrying thing. At this age where is my spunk and vitality? It appears in streaks, lucky streaks of heads in a row that disappear amongst months of tails. I fill my ears up with all manner of positive thinking and go-getter mentality strategies but they don't fill my heart. In the recess of my belief I still feel lost and viciously bemused - I don't know if I'm awake or dreaming.