There are shards of frozen raspberry in my cocktail glass. A movie is beaming out from a wide-screen monitor. 29 now. 2011.
Do I try so hard? Do I try hard enough?
Where am I now?
I've started to listen to guided meditation on Youtube. It seems in some ways to be the ultimate oxymoron - stillness, relaxation and the discovery of oneness within the world's largest video sharing website. But, somehow, it works - subtly.
I take calls from 80-year-old Iranian grandmothers and 19 year-old German travellers on a daily basis. The world certainly is "one" now - even if the belief has not caught up. So much noise.
I'm lost in this noise. I'm lost in this humdrum. Aren't you lost sometimes? Lost in the buzz?
I am.
It's self-indulgent to feel alone, isn't it? We're so facebooked up, so twittered, so connected and online all the time aren't we?
I feel very alone these days. More than ever. Always hooked-up to the world at 24mbs a second and never further away from anyone that helps my heart pump. Here I am. Alone, syncopated rhythms on the neutral plastic keys - no response, no feeling; no love. Just tapping on the board.
Typing into nothing.
Very well. Fuck you and good luck.
